"We're doing a team building exercise today."

Watch what happens in people's minds when they hear those words. Half the room mentally checks out. A few start planning their excuses. And the enthusiastic "yes people" who seem excited? They're actually making everyone else more annoyed.

You've lost them before you even start.

After more than 40 years working in schools and organizations, I can tell you: most team building exercises do more harm than good. They breed cynicism. They waste time. And they rarely connect to the actual work people need to accomplish together.

The Language Trap

Here's the problem: When you say "team building," people automatically hear its opposite.

In Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT), we pay close attention to how words are related in the human mind. Words carry what we ACT folks call "mutual entailment" - they're always connected to their opposites. When you hear "good," your brain simultaneously accesses "bad." Love brings up hate. Success i...

 🎯 FREE WEBINAR THIS THURSDAY

When teams are stuck, siloed, or talking past each other, they don't need another "trust-building" exercise.

They need a STRUCTURE.

Dr. Kevin Polk and I are teaching the ProSocial Matrix on Crowdcast

You will learn:→ 4 questions that help teams get unstuck → Real examples → How to use this in your work.

Thursday, October 16 Link to register or catch the replay: Prosocial for Teams

Register to Attend Live or Watch the Replay Below

ACT for Education

"Back to" season is upon us in the US and many parts of the world. For some, it's back to school, while others return to work, caregiving, and the daily hustle and bustle. Amidst the collective sigh of relief, resignation, or anticipation that accompanies this season, I invite you to pause and ponder a fundamental question:

What's our shared purpose?

We pose this when introducing the Prosocial Matrix (otherwise known as "the second loop"), and it's a question Kevin Polk and I ask frequently. Given the prevailing negativity and discord in the collective online and virtual dialogues, it's particularly relevant today.

In our presentations and training, we have been starting with the shared purpose question when presenting the Matrix, even before delving into who's important.

But why this change in approach?

Today's current level of chatter is often marred by discontent and hostility. Our lack of shared purpose gets tons of social media engagement. It does not bring people closer toge...

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My all time favorite holiday story is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The best rendition is the 1965 stop motion animated TV special. It is still going strong and shows us what we need to know to be psychologically flexible.

Rudolph of course is the young reindeer with the shiny nose. He wants to be like the other reindeer but his shiny red nose appears to be getting in the way of things. So what happens? His parents try to cover it up so he can fit in .  It doesn’t work and the herd is not kind. Even Santa does not want to stamp his ticket.

It doesn’t get much worse than being rejected by the herd, Rudolph sets off on a journey. He is joined by Hermey, an aspiring dentist trapped in an elf’s body. They form a shared purpose and Hermey declares , “Let’s be independent together!”. They are two outliers out on an adventure, both realizing they want to be who they are. They go on a hero’s quest, meet up with prospector Yukon Cornelius, tangle with the abominable snowman, and end u...

This is a webinar I developed along with Donna Read, a fellow Prosocial Matrix Trainer.

If you want to know how to assess where your organization stands and how to influence teams toward healing and change, I look at how to apply Frederic Laloux's Reinventing Organization book and research to the Prosocial Matrix process and create powerful contexts for change.