The Mindful Path to Mental Health and Social Emotional Learning: Building Courage for the Discouraged

A Step by Step Guide to Promoting Awareness, Connection and Collaboration with Students and Teachers in Classrooms and Schools

Students Who Disengage, Disconnect, and Appear Disinterested are Stuck. Becoming Mindful leads to Healthy Living and Learning

Each day we learn more about the benefits of mindfulness and its positive effects on mental health and our ability to lead an active and meaningful life. This Prosocial Matrix is designed to introduce an evidenced-based, mindful approach to promote mental health for all learners and reclaim students who struggle socially and emotionally. It builds social and emotional learning from the ground up and is based on shared values, collaboration, and working together to achieve common goals among staff and students. "Getting prosocial" generates interest, engagement and a willingness to want to learn more.

Step One: The Invitation

You begin with an invitation. This guide will show you how to use the Prosocial Matrix to quickly generate interest and engagement with all learners, even reluctant ones.

Step 2: Connection

The process of promoting mindfulness in the classroom establishes and deepens workable connections with staff and students at all levels. The matrix works by validating the experience of anyone who uses it.

Step 3: Collaboration

When mindful connections happen for each person, the group is ready for collaboration and working together for common goals, including those who are resistant. Everyone pulls together. The matrix generates shared goals and the satisfaction of working to make wise decisions.

The Prosocial ACT Matrix is a Mindful Diagram and A Powerful Tool to Promote Interest, Engagement and Prosocial Behavior.

What is the ACT Matrtix?

The ACT Matrix is a simple way of visualizing the cognitive-behavioral approach to values-based behaviors known as Acceptance and Commitment Training ( ACT). Dr. Kevin Polk developed the matrix as a way of quickly engaging people in a collaborative learning process. The Matrix is a point of view that gets big results. It is based on research and the science of what works to get individuals and groups moving toward what matters for awesome living, learning and working.

The latest research supports promoting psychological flexibility as the cornerstone of psychological health and well being. The Matrix visually represents the core learning processes of ACT so students of all ages can be psychologically flexible and quickly learn what works. The process “loosens up” stuck and struggling learners by empowering them to move toward resilience and persistence in the face of everyday obstacles and challenges. In schools and classrooms, the matrix has many uses, including mental health interventions, social-emotional learning, and classroom management. It promotes a powerful climate and culture of caring and personal responsibility in any setting.

The Prosocial Matrix Process Makes a Difference for:

Improving and Strengthening Classroom Management
Increasing Student Achievement
Developing Self-monitoring and Self-regulation skills
Reducing Absenteeism and Discipline
Generating Teacher Satisfaction
Establishing a workable point of view that is shared among staff and administration.

Social Emotional Learning in Real Time...Using the Prosocial Matrix

Mindfulness is simply being aware of the present moment. Everyone benefits from being more aware of the present moment and it is a skill anyone can do. The more aware students are of what is going on around them and inside of us, the better the better they are at learning, growing and getting where they want to go. This is good news for students that struggle! The prosocial matrix is a simple way to be mindful and to have happy and healthy classrooms and schools.

The Prosocial Matrix Helps Educators and Learners be Mindful Together, Collaborate and Get Stuff Done.

A Quick Primer on the ACT Matrix Point of View

Look at the top of the diagram. We all take information from our five senses.
The information from our senses shows up inside of us in our minds. This is our learning history. Language helps us make the connection between the outside and the inside and how we develop meaning and purpose.
We also do things to move toward who and what is important to us as well as to move away from uncomfortable inner experiences like fear, anger and sadness.
Knowing what is going on around us, being aware of what is showing up inside of us, and recognizing where our actions are leading us, leads us to making choices that work.

Follow the Steps of the Prosocial Matrix Process to Improve Communication, Creativity and Problem-Solving

1. Get The Matrix Out For Everyone to See.

You can draw it on a chalkboard, whiteboard or smart board. You can also give everyone a paper copy to fill out.

WHO IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

You begin by asking this question.

2. Ask "Who is Important to You?"

Listen carefully and acknowledge the learner's responses. Write them down in the lower right quadrant if the diagram or they can write their own down (Bonus point s if you write down who is important to you).

Get curious as they recall their important people. They may also tell you what is important to them. Write that down too. The people and things that are important to them are what motivates them ( and us ). Thinking about all of this feels good. Everyone can notice how it feels to do this.

What Shows Up Inside of You Sometimes and Gets in the Way?

Now you ask them about what unwanted feelings, thoughts, etc., that can show up on the inside of them and get in the way.

3. Ask them about "The stuff that shows up on the inside and gets in the way"

On the way toward who and what is important, we encounter obstacles like fear, anger, and stress, We don't want them and they show up anyway. Here, we help everyone be mindful of what I call the "yucky stuff".
Once you ask about the yucky stuff you may want to give an example. "Sometimes something like fear can show up inside of us. We don't want it and it just shows up. What other kinds of uncomfortable stuff can show up?"
So we ask ourselves and our learners what might show up inside of them that they don't want or want to get away from. All of that goes out on the matrix. We simply make a list of yucky thoughts, feelings, and urges that we/they can be aware of or notice without having to do anything about it.
All of this goes in the lower left.

What Do You Do to Get Away from Your Yucky Stuff?

This is about actions we all do with our hands, feet and mouth to lessen or seek relief from the yucky stuff inside of us.

4. Now we can talk about what we do to move away from all of that yucky stuff. These are things everyone can see you doing.

When yucky stuff shows up, we have an immediate urge to get away from it. We want to lessen the feeling or eliminate the thought or just plain get it out of us. When fear shows up we want to run. When anger makes an appearance we argue or fight. Someone might take out a cellphone to relieve feelings of boredom or anxiety, etc.
Everyone seeks relief from their yucky stuff. It can be very useful to seek temporary relief.
So we invite others to share about what they do to move away from unwanted yucky stuff inside of them. We write everything down. We are helping them mindful of their actions with their yucky stuff. We are not telling them to be mindful. They just are. They are learning how to talk and be mindful of the yucky stuff and what they do to move away from it.
Away moves from yuck stuff go in upper left.

Moving Toward Who and What is Important

Here you put the things everyone does that brings them closer to who and what is important to them.

5. We complete our mindful loop around the matrix by asking "What do you want to do to keep moving toward Who and What is Important to You?"

You want to keep it simple. I like to give everyone credit for doing something important already, namely, showing up and doing the matrix with me!

As we have been doing, we write the things people want to do to keep moving down. We want them to be mindfully aware of actions like talking to a friend, calling a parent, taking their dog out to play, etc.

These actions toward who and what is important go in the upper right.

Congratulations! You and your learners have just experienced your first matrix.

You have been noticing about who and what is important, noticing about the yucky stuff that may be showing up and getting in the way, noticing what is done to move away from yucky stuff and noticing what can be done to keep moving toward who and what is important.
They can also notice that toward moves usually lead to feeling satisfied (they obtain or achieve something) while away moves are done to seek relief from what we don't want.
Both toward and away moves are necessary. We need to be able to do both. Noticing helps learners be aware of what the are doing and saying and where their actions are leading them.

Noticing the Big Picture Leads to Psychological Flexibility!

Psychological flexibility is the cornerstone of mental health, both for ourselves and the rest of the planet. It is what allows learners and everyone else to continue toward the people and things that matter. You can keep moving toward even when the going gets tough and we feel like throwing in the towel or running for the hills. Psychological flexibility gets us out the door on when we want to stay in bed, speaking when we are anxious, or helping a student complete a difficult assignment or manage herself when she is upset of frustrated. In other words, without it we would lead a very boring and unsuccessful life!

"Noticing" Homework..the best homework you will ever give or recieve!

Once you have the shown everyone the mindful matrix point of view, you are ready to help them extend mindful moments throughout their day and experiences....

You say, "Hey, here is some homework for you!"
Wait for the groans and rolled eyeballs and then say, "But wait, this is the best homework I will ever give you. You can either do this homework or not do this homework. Either way is fine."
They will be relieved. You will continue, "If you get the chance, all you have to do is just notice what you are doing and whether it feels like a toward move, moving you toward someone or something important to you, or whether it feels like an away move, you are doing it to move away from yucky stuff showing up inside of you. Then later we can talk about what you noticed."
You can then add, "And guess what, I will give myself the same homework. We can all be noticing our toward and away moves together"
So if you are teaching, you could say " I am teaching math and it feels like a toward move". or a learner could say " I am noticing that we are all following directions". Of course anyone could notice away moves like someone who may not be working or the class taking a break.
We are just noticing without labeling things good or bad, right or wrong. We are practicing being in the present moment with whatever we are noticing.
Every time learners are able to notice, they are building their psychological flexibility muscles!

What If They Don't Notice?

Remember, they can either choose to do the homework or not! So they may just not do it!

Not doing homework is not a problem with the prosocial matrix work.
You will simply say something like, "Cool! You just noticed you didn't do the homework".
Now you can ask, "What did you do instead?".
However they respond, you can then invite them to put that on the matrix as something that felt like a toward or away experience for them.
Either way, you will continue to invite them to notice their experiences.

THE REAL PROBLEM IS WHAT GETS IN THE WAY: THE STRUGGLE WITH YUCKY STUFF

Students and others who struggle get stuck a lot. This could happen to anyone who isn't doing some noticing. They get stuck in their heads and then in their behaviors. Since they are less aware of their actions, they tend to do more things to move away than toward. They get trapped in rigid rules and unworkable agendas. They do less of what matters to them, get off track, and often give up. You can use the prosocial matrix to invite them to notice, to be aware. They will get better at noticing their actions and where their actions take them. They learn to choose different actions and experience the results. They learn to make smart choices.

The Next Step is to Show Them How We All Get Stuck

When yucky stuff shows up, we have an immediate urge to get rid of it. We want to control or lessen unwanted thoughts and feelings.
So You can ask your learners, when stare ( or text or distract yourself ) to move away from boredom, does your boredom go away?
They may get some relief, but boredom eventually returns.
So does all of the other yucky stuff. You just can't get rid of it.
When we keep trying to avoid and escape yucky stuff, we get into loops.The more we don't want the yucky stuff, the more we get it!
We can get so caught up in away loops that we can get stuck.
When we are stuck, we have less energy to go on and do things that moves us toward our important stuff.
Being stuck feels crappy and bogs you down.
Everybody get stuck sometimes. It is part of being human.

How to Reclaim Struggling Students Prosocially

Resistant and Reluctant Learners can be brought into the fold. They are skittish and at times prickly but with a gentle hand and a welcoming, nonjudgemental stance they can learn to work with you rather than against you and their own best interests.

The first steps involve introducing an engaging, flexible, nonjudgemental point of view. You just did that when you showed them the matrix! You can do this individually or in the context of the classroom with everyone since everyone can participate and benefit. You can also do this individually or anytime a little psychological flexibility is needed.
There is no coercion or force used. Students quickly learn they have a choice and that leads naturally to less resistance and more cooperation.
Letting go of judgements and discussions of right and wrong allows you and your students to take full advantage of the natural human instinct to connect. They will work with you rather than against you.
Even reluctant leaners want to be successful and they are more willing to go with you because there is no right or wrong way to respond. We are just having a conversation.
Since the matrix is for everyone, troubled learners are not singled out but instead participate freely in a process they choose to be a part of with no harmful side effects, conditions or consequences. Collaboration evolves easily and naturally.
The group models connection and cooperation in real time. This creates a highly rewarding, prosocial environment that feels good. They will want more.

Noticing is Mindfulness Made Easy and Leads to Happy and Healthy Classrooms

1. Noticing is active mindfulness. It is awareness for a reason or purpose. 2. Noticing is an engaging process and a move toward connecting with self and others. 3. Noticing sets teachers and learners up for success and less struggle with yucky stuff. 4. Noticing can be done as often as necessary. 5. Anyone and everyone can notice.

WE ARE DOING NOTICING IN THE SERVICE OF HELPING EVERYONE MOVE TOWARD WHO AND WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO THEM.

Noticing Brings You Into the Present Moment. The Present Moment is a Great Place to Make Choices that Work!

You are Now Ready to Help Yourself and Your Learners Make Wise Decisions with the Prosocial Matrix for Groups

Once everyone has experienced the matrix point of view and how it works, you can use the next four steps of the prosocial matrix to ramp up mindfulness and help your class or group become an empowered, high performing team.

Get the Prosocial Group Matrix Up and In Front of Your Group.

The Prosocial Matrix is the second loop around the matrix ( I will explain later ). This is the matrix for the group.
A group is two or more people. It could be you and your student, a study group, a whole class, or a meeting.
The members of the group will use the noticing skills from the first loop to get everyone puling together. READ ON!

The New Question is, "What is Our Shared Purpose?"

6. Now you will ask your group, "What is Our Shared Purpose?"

This is the most important question for groups. Here you and your learners will be sharing why you have come and what you are here to do.
This is a conversation that you can have many times.
There may be more than one purpose and it helps to get everyone on the same page.
The conversation can also include "How do I want to be treated?" and "How do we want to treat others?".
Again we will be writing responses onto the matrix in the lower right.

Next, You Can Talk About Yucky Stuff That Gets In the Way of Moving Toward Shared Purposes

7. The next question is "What yucky stuff can show up inside members of our group/class and get in the way of moving toward our shared purpose?"

This will be similar to the first loop. Any manner of yucky thoughts, feelings and urges ( like competitiveness, jealousy, misunderstanding, conflict, etc.) can show up inside of people and bog the group down. Getting these things out in the open and onto the matrix helps the group to realize that you and they all experience the same frustrations. Doing this will lessen the impact of the yucky stuff.

Now the Group Can Notice Things They May Do to Move Away from Yucky Stuff in the Group.

8. Then the group can identify things they or others might say or do to move away from the yucky stuff.

Just like yucky stuff in the first loop, everyone does things to move away from what they don't want. This may or may not be a problem. In either case we simply list the things that we could see or hear people do to move away from the yucky stuff.
Here you will get responses like arguing, not doing enough, gossiping, leaving early, letting someone else do it.
This could also be a conversation about past experiences they or others have had in different groups they have been a part of.
The group is learning to identify obstacles to the group successfully moving toward the shared purposes they identified at the start.

Now the Group Can Brainstorm and Discuss Things They Could Do to Move Toward Their Shared Purposes

9. We complete the second loop by asking the question "What can we do to keep moving toward our shared purposes ?".

Here you will be looking for actions that you and the group will take to move toward the shared purposes you have discussed below.
You want to keep it simple and everyone is encouraged to share.
Here the group brainstorms. All ideas are welcome. We are generating tasks and solutions for our shared purposes. Since they have come this far they are invested in the outcome and more willing to take on the tasks that will help complete the mission.
Since everyone has a voice there is powerful buy-in and group members want to contribute and be a part of the group.

The Second Loop around the Matrix allows the group to create a shared space to learn and grow together. They discover for themselves how to be a team.

You have now completed two loops around the matrix. You have established a powerful way of collaborating with your learners and together you can go on and discover what works to keep you moving.

Once you establish the matrix point of view as a way to notice both for individuals and groups, you have a visual diagram and shared language to groom cooperation, collaboration and high performance. You can then go on and use the matrix to continue noticing what is working and mindfully problem solving whenever someone or the group encounters obstacles.

Why Do We Do Two Loops?

The first loop around the matrix is to promote psychological flexibility. Psychological Flexibility is the process of noticing what we are doing, what our minds are up to and what will work to get us where we want to go, even when the yucky stuff shows up.
Psychological flexibility is the cornerstone of mental health and well being. We add noticing to ramp up psychological flexibility. The more we notice what is going on outside of us and inside of us, the better we are at living and learning.
The second loop is for psychological safety. Psychological safety is the feeling that people "have my back" in this group. It is safe to share,. My opinion counts and I can contribute.
Psychological safety is what allows us to connect with others and want to learn. Without it we are mistrustful and less willing to be involved.
The matrix targets both psychological flexibility and safety. When teachers and students feel flexible and safe in classrooms and schools, learning takes off and groups can achieve great things. The group becomes a source of satisfaction and everyone wants to get on board and do their share.

The Prosocial Matrix Promotes Mindful, High Performing Classrooms and Groups

It combines the power of mindfulness with the research of effective group functioning developed by Dr. Elinor Ostrom. Dr. Ostrom researched groups around the world to find out what makes some more successful than others.

The core design principles of effective groups are:

A strong sense of shared purpose and identity
A means of collaborating and resolving the inevitable conflicts.
Each member of the group is empowered to monitor how the group is functioning

Next... Take Mindfulness to the Next Level with Sorting!

Sorting is as easy as it gets. All you need to do is sort your experiences and those of your learners into the Prosocial Matrix.

You simply take whatever someone says or does and sort it into the matrix!

The matrix is a diagram of human learning. Anything humans do can go into the matrix. Sorting is a natural skill that everyone enjoys doing and our minds love to sort things. All you need to do is ask your learners this question:

"Where does what you are doing (or saying) go up here on the diagram? Where would you put it?"

You ask the question with interest and curiosity. You are not being sarcastic and you really want them to tell you.
Asking the question influences them to pause and choose.
You want them to pause and choose so they can remind themselves their reasons for what they are doing and being mindful about who and what is important.
THEY do the the sorting. We don't sort for them. We want them to see and feel the big picture from their point of view.
There is no right or wrong with sorting. It is not important where they put it. What is important is that they sort!
They are sorting for mindfulness and psychological flexibility. When they are mindful and flexible it will feel good and they will want to do more.
Feel free to sort your experiences as well as model how to use it and to maintain your own flexibility.

Keep the matrix visible. It is your mindfulness and sorting cheat sheet!

1. Refer to the diagram anytime. It is especially helpful if someone is struggling. You can go to the matrix and say, " Hold on everybody, let's take a look at what we're doing. Are we over here on the toward side or or over here on the away side?

2. Give them credit for whatever they notice.

3. You can also ask, "Are we doing things to move toward what is important to our group?" "Is there something else we could be doing or changing that might work better?"

4. Look for opportunities to sort your experiences throughout the day.

Sorting will ramp up Psychological Flexibility, Psychological Safety, Engagement, and Working Together.

NOW WE ARE READY TO ASK THE BIG QUESTIONS...

IS WHAT I'M DOING WORKING?

IS IT HELPING ME TO MOVE TOWARD THE SHARED PURPOSE?

IS IT GETTING ME WHERE I WANT TO GO?

The Prosocial Matrix is really a model of Workability. When individuals and groups are noticing workability, they are looking for actions that work to move them toward their individual and group goals. Workability does not deal with judgements about right and wrong or being correct. It has to do with being able to notice one's actions and the consequences that follow. When individuals and groups adopt the workability perspective, they are in a better position to predict and control their own behavior. They learn what works to get them where they really want to go. Perspective taking is critical to developing a solid sense of self, empathy and problem solving. The Prosocial matrix shifts perspectives so that students and at times staff that struggle can see where they actions are taking them and then choose action that work.

NOW KEEP PRACTICING!

The More You Use the Prosocial Matrix, the More Mindful, Collaborative and Cooperative Your Class Becomes!

Using words like noticing, toward and away along with asking questions like "who/ what is important to you?" and "is what you or I doing working to move us toward what we are trying to do?" grooms cooperation and identity.
Your learners will pick up the flexibility of the matrix and want to use it for lots of different things.
As you use it, you and your learners will discover other ways it can help and will use it in other places and show it to others.
You and your students will experience a strong sense of psychological safety and will naturally want to contribute and feel a sense of satisfaction in working together toward collaborative goals. This evolves from ongoing conversations about the shared purposes and what might be showing up and getting in the way.
Your classes and groups will be happier and healthier with less stress!

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